MataKucing

I have a friend named "AMR", he was my first-puppy-love.

I crushed on him when I was at elementary school, 6th grade, and he was at 8th grade. He lives in the same block.

Since we met until we went to highschool, I never be his friend ..we didn’t talk much and actually if we did.. we were fighting becoz of small things such as : "who is the coolest band, New Kids on the Block or Red Hot Chili Pepper?"

But however, deep inside I like him.

We ended the fight when we were going to college (we’re too old to fight about the bands). But still dont talk much. And almost never see each other… I can’t even look at his eye (maybe becoz he made me blushing, hee?)

This last 5 month he start a business, he opened a mobile phone voucher card counter, and somtymes I stop by to buy voucher.

I’m a grow up lady now, I gain my confidence.

I luv to went to his place, sit in his black sofa And start a "real talk" such as "how’s your life? How’s your bussiness? How’s school?

How’s your father (his father and mine is a good friends)?" or "I feel so exciting becoz..bla..bla" … and everything that we dont talk about in the past…

I had a little thought that…maybe we shouldn’t "not-talk-to-each-other" in the past.

Yesterday, I found his house decorated. I wonder what is goin on..

I got no invitation in my desk, so I think he held a family private party.

But then I call a friend to ask about it in 7.30 pm last night.

She said, "yes, he is married this morning, at 9 am, but the party is in his girlfren place. Dont he send u the invitation? I got one."

Quite shocking.

And I found the invitation on my mom’s desk.

He’s married.

This morning and I didnt notice.

I’m speechless.

I’m not jelous becoz of his marriage, I don’t even love him no more, but .. I CANT SLEEP last night untill 1.30 am.

I have no more feeling. He just my old puppy love. But why can’t I sleep?

I found the answer finally.

Maybe it’s becoz he belongs to my childhood sweet memories…

And seeing his wedding invitation…waken me up that we both grow older..

We are no longer two little kids fighting about who’s best between New Kids On The Block and Red Hot Chili Paper!

We already in the future…

And I’m not ready for the future.

Not ready for changing..

Not ready for marriage

-or Not ready that all my friends are changing because they’re married…

Why marriage seems so freaky for me?

Hey, Ferdi, thanks for lending me your name! They gonna publish my first fiction in the magazine…

that explain why I didnt write so much on my online blog.